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Posts Tagged ‘some say I have too much time on my hands’

Hardly worth noting, yet something I’m unable to ignore.  Sample last.fm tags for the Ritalin-and-tequila-fueled Weezer song “Hash Pipe”:

  • rock
  • alternative
  • alternative rock
  • indie rock
  • power pop
  • punk rock
  • alternative punk
  • geek rock
  • nerd rock
  • rockin
  • rock out
  • drugs
  • weed
  • marijuana
  • under the influence
  • cali baby
  • this is it [This is what?]
  • fucking awesome
  • needs to be in guitar hero
  • songs that should be in rock band
  • know how to play on guitar
  • rev my engine
  • cryptic lyrics
  • hooky rock
  • fire in the hole
  • druuugs
  • songs especially familiar to jordain
  • Sorry, Jordain.

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    I recently received a letter from an associate, addressed to T.S. Eliot from Dr. Seuss. Little did she know how right she is, for I am quite the poet. Observe.

    [untitled #1]
    The main sign of your masculinity must be bigger
    Big dick can feel multiple orgazms
    Huge rod is what all girls dream about
    Huge male machine is the fact that all chick like
    Don’t you think it’s time you stopped being a loser with a tiny penis

    [untitled #2]
    Try this and you’re welcome in the world of sexual giants
    New world of sensual delights is open to you
    Take just a candy and become ready for 36 hours of love osmosis

    [untitled #3]
    With bigger penis you’ll experience more sweet moments
    Women acknowledge that big phalli are more attractive
    You’ll spend much more pleasurable time with your girlfriend
    Satisfy her!

    [untitled #4]
    Wanna pass an unforgettable night?
    Hear her scream your name in passion
    She will always be hungry for your new big sausage
    Best prices for impotence cutlet

    [untitled #5]
    Bang your way through the party!
    Be Apollo in bed
    For you and your lady-love
    For you and your mistress
    Wives like big male organ
    Hot wild nights of pleasure await you.

    [untitled #6]

    Blast your way through the opposition with your giant gun!
    Women will fall at your feet once you have this!
    Blow them all away with your GIANT cannon.
    Change from dagger to BROADSWORD!
    Viaaaagrrrraaaa is your magic weapon

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    While flipping through this book’s table of contents, I noticed some of it was a bit… shall we say, odd.

    1. Restoring natives to suburbia
    2. The vital new role of the suburban garden
    3. No place to hide
    4. Who cares about biodiversity?
    5. No, seriously, who really gives a fuck about biodiversity?
    6. I don’t even care about biodiversity, and I wrote the damn chapter
    7. Why can’t insects eat alien plants?
    8. Why do insects have a stockpile of space plants in the first place?
    9. Why are we sending insects into space?
    10. What is native and what is not?
    11. Has anyone seen my coat?
    12. The costs of using alien ornamentals
    13. How to turn that decaying Martian corpse into a fun centerpiece
    14. Creating balanced communities
    15. Gardening for insect diversity
    16. Blending in with the neighbors
    17. The art of camouflage and subterfuge
    18. Planning for it to happen
    19. Making it happen
    20. Pretending like it never happened
    21. What should I plant?
    22. What does bird food look like?
    23. What do hummingbirds taste like?
    24. Answers to tough questions
    25. The last refuge
    26. Native plants with wildlife value and desirable landscaping attributes
    27. Native plants with a stamen only a mother could love
    28. Host plants of butterflies and showy moths
    29. Host plants of reclusive moths and confused earthworms
    30. Experimental evidence

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